Growing
by thatgirlwhowritesscripts
Summary: Fosters AU. Callie Jacobs has been a ward of the state ever since her family was in a car accident when she was 10. Due to that accident her mother and younger brother were killed and her father was arrested. Now at 16 she's being released from juvie. Will her new foster family care enough to help her move past her traumatic past that continues to haunt her? *Mentions self harm*
1. Chapter 1

**Fosters AU. Callie Jacobs has been a ward of the state ever since her family was in a car accident when she was 10. Due to that accident her mother and younger brother were killed and her father was arrested. Now at 16 she's being released from juvie. Will her new placement be her last? Will her new foster family care enough to help her move past her traumatic past that continues to haunt her? Kind of focuses on Callie and Stef's relationship (because I just love the mother/daughter connection they have with each other). **Deals with sensitive topics such as self harm and suicidal ideation****

...

I follow the guard as we walk down one of the hallways of the San Diego Juvenile Detention Facility. We walk through a door and suddenly we're outside. The cut on my lip has dried up and began to clot. I bet bruises are already starting to take shape and color on my face and body. My right side hurts like hell, but I've been through worse. It's all from the beating I took earlier this morning.

_Two guards drag the girls off of me while another helps me up. He escorts me to the infirmary where I'm examined by the attending doctor. After I was declared to have no serious injuries I was escorted to another room where a guard sitting behind a desk tells me to take a seat, and he begins the long procedure of processing me out. My blue duffel bag is returned to me. It contained all my possessions that follow me to every new foster home. It stuffed with mostly clothes. As soon as it was handed to me I rapidly unzip the zipper and dig through the bag. Once I found what I was looking for I calm down and zip the duffel back up. I carefully examined the item I removed from the bag. My mom's necklace dangles in front of me. Looking at the coin-like charm I remember what my mom looked like wearing it the night she died. I undo the clasp and put the necklace on. I wasn't allowed to wear it when I was locked up for obvious reasons. I feel a little more peaceful now that I'm wearing it again._

I stand outside feeling the sun on my face. Looking around I see a man with a clipboard and papers walking up to me. Where's Bill? I pull the sleeves of my jacket down to my palms. "Callie. Callie hi I'm David I work with Bill at Child Protective Services." The man greets and introduces himself.

"Uh where's Bill, why isn't Bill here?" I ask the man.

"Uh he had an emergency with another one of his cases." He answers. "Come on." He says and I follow him. We join a woman who is standing outside the fence. "Callie, this is Lena. Lena, Callie" David says as he introduces us. The woman looks and smiles at me nervously. A quick moment of silence passes then David opens his mouth again. "I guess I could take her to one of the group homes." He says. Oh god please no. No group home. My eyes become moist just thinking about it. Group homes are the worst. Still having that nervous look on her face, Lena looks at me again, her eyes full of compassion; she sighs.

"It's just for a few weeks right?" she glances at David then back to me. "Okay." She says. A bit of relief floods through my body, only a bit though. Who knows what this new home will be like? Lena and I continue to look at each other. She gives me a friendly pity-filled smile. I stare at her, mentally building up my protective walls. David and Lena go through some paperwork while I just lean against the fence. When the paperwork is done David walks over to me.

"Okay Callie, so you'll be staying with Lena and her family for a few weeks while Bill searches for a more permanent foster home. Be respectful and make sure you're on your best behavior." He tells me. As he waits for my answer I just stare at the ground. "Okay." He says giving up. He ushers me over to Lena. "If you have any problems you can just call Bill. That goes for both of you." He says to Lena and I.

"Alright David. Thank you." Lena says.

"Good luck Callie." David says to me. Pick up my bag that I placed on the ground when I was introduced to Lena. I walk over to my new foster mom.

"Bye David." Lena politely says. I follow her to her car and I get in the passenger seat. I buckle my seatbelt and Lena starts the car. She backs up from her parking spot and drives out of the lot. After a few minutes of driving Lena speaks, interrupting the much appreciated silence. "So right now the kids are still at school. They won't be home for about another hour." She informs me. I nod my head, silently telling her I heard what she said. After about fifteen minutes of more silence the car pulls into a simple looking house. "So this is it." Lena says as she turns off the engine. We get out and I follow her up the walkway and into the house. "So the living room's right there and then there's the dining room, the kitchen's back there." She says. She hangs up her scarf and places her purse somewhere. I walk into the living room and I sit down on the couch. Lena follows me and sits herself down in one of the chairs. "So Callie, do you want to tell me a little about yourself? Maybe I can get to know you better?" Lena asks. What is this an interview? Why does she even care? I stare at her, not voicing a response. "Okay, I get it. You're not ready to share yet." She rises from the chair. "How about you just watch some T.V.," she says grabbing a remote turning the television on, and then placing it on the couch next to me. "I'll just be in the kitchen if you need me." she says walking out of the room. I look at the screen for a few minutes and then doze off.

...

I'm startled awake by the sound of front door opening then slamming shut. Two teenagers, one boy and one girl, walk right passed me and head straight for the kitchen. I get up and quietly follow them. "Hey mama." The girl says.

"Hey how was school?" Lena asks. I hide behind the wall for a little while, just listening.

"The usual." The girl answers.

"What's for dinner?" the boy asks.

"Lasagna."

"Nice, I'm starving." The boy comments.

"Can you guys help? Jesus can you set the table? Mariana can you put together a salad?"

"Sure." The girl answers.

"Okay." The boy says. I hear shuffling and noise. I walk into the line of sight. I enter the kitchen and sit at the table. "Who are you?" the boy asks me.

"Guys this is Callie. Callie's in the foster system and she's going to be staying with us for a few weeks; Callie these are two of my children Mariana and Jesus." Lena says. The boy continues to gather plates and other silverware. The girl is mixing a salad with two wooden spoons. She gives me a blank pouty-like look. "So Mariana and Jesus were in the foster program too." Lena says breaking the silence. "They came to us about eight years ago, and we formally adopted them five years ago."

"Foster system sucks." the boy comments.

"Jesus…"

"He's right it kinda does." The girl agrees.

"Okay."

"What happened to your face? Get in a fight?" Jesus asks me.

"Uh… Callie's kind of had a rough day so how about we cool it with the third degree." Lena tells Jesus.

"Is there… where's the bathroom?" I ask.

"Yeah, it's right through there. You'll see it." Lena answers as she shows me the direction of the room. I get up and slowly head in that path. I find the bathroom and enter it, closing the door behind me. After doing what I needed to do I wash my hands. After I dry them I look at my reflection in the mirror. I look like crap. I feel like crap. Tears swell up in my eyes. I grab the sides of the sink and I lean my head down crying. After a few minutes I pull myself together. I run my hands quick under the faucet and wipe the tears under my eyes with water. I then walk out of the bathroom and back into the kitchen, noticing a new face in the room. "Are you kidding me? That's like a five thousand dollar scholarship, isn't it?" Lena asks the guy who apparently came in when I was in the bathroom.

"When is it?" the girl, Mariana asks. I have no idea what they're talking about and in all honesty I don't care.

"It's tomorrow and we're all going so homework right after school, please?" Lena answers, directing the end of her comment to Jesus. I sit down back in the seat I was in earlier. The new face looks at me.

"Who's this?" he asks, looking at me.

"Oh this is Callie. She's going to be staying with us for a little while." Lena answers.

"Oh, okay, staying with us." He comments. "Um nice to meet you." He says to me as he places some food on my plate.

"What about him?" I ask Lena.

"What?" Lena asks.

"How'd you get him? 99-cent store? I mean they have everything there."

"Um, Brandon is my partner Stefanie's biological son from her previous marriage." She clarifies. So the boy's name is Brandon. The door opens and I turn around to see a woman dressed in a police uniform walk in. A cop lives here? That's just wonderful.

"Hey honey." The cop says putting her bag on the counter.

"Hi." Lena says.

"It smells great. Lasagna. Delicious, thank you." The cop comments heading to the fridge, Lena meets her there. "How are you honey?" she asks.

"Good. How are you?" they peck each other on the lips quickly then the cop opens the refrigerator door.

"Hi babies!" the blonde officer says. Jesus looks at me.

"What? Nobody told you our mom's a cop?" he asks carelessly.

"See this is why no boys ever want to come over." Mariana adds.

"As it should be." The cop says opening a can of soda.

"So your dykes." I state. Everyone looks at me.

"They prefer the term "people" but yeah," Jesus speaks. "They're gay."

"And he's the real son." I say pointing to Brandon. The cop chuckles awkwardly interrupting the silence that came with my comment.

"And who's this?" she asks turning her head to look at Lena.

"Uh, love this is Callie. She will be staying with us for a few weeks." Lena says to the cop.

"Uh huh okay. Uh can I talk to you outside for a minute?" the cop asks Lena.

"Yeah." The two of them head to the back door. "Kids we'll be right back, just eat your dinner." She tells us. The two adults go outside and I'm left alone with these other kids while awkwardness fills the room. Well, my new foster family is something. A biracial lesbian couple, one of them being a cop, with two Latino adopted kids and once biological son. That's a new one.

…

Lena and her partner came back in the house two minutes later and we all ate in silence. When the other kids were finished they were excused and they went upstairs. Not knowing what to do I stay sitting. Lena begins cleaning up and the cop sits down near me holding a coffee mug filled with tea or coffee or something. "So uh Callie, I'm Stef." She introduces herself to me. I stare at her. "Uh I'm just gonna tell you some of the house rules." She says. "First off we treat everyone who lives under this roof with respect." She says referring to my unwelcomed comment earlier. "The curfew on school night is seven. You must ask permission from Lena or myself before leaving the house. Also, you'll go to school while you're staying here. Lena is the Vice Principal of Anchor Beach Charter School, all the kids go there…"

"Where do I sleep?" I interrupt her.

"Excuse me?" Stef asks, giving me a chance to apologize, which I don't take.

"It's not my first time in a foster home." I explain. "Where do I sleep?" I repeat my question. Lena comes over, placing a hand on Stef's shoulder.

"Let me show you." Lena says. I get up and follow her. We make our way to the living room. Lena runs upstairs for a moment and comes back down with a bunch of stuff. I plop myself back on the couch as Lena starts fluffing the couch cushions. "One pillow or two?" she asks. I turn my head to the side and stare at her. "Okay, I'll leave them both." She says. "I left some towels for you in the bathroom and do you have a toothbrush?" she asks. I look up at her.

"No, I don't have a toothbrush. How would I have gotten a toothbrush?" I ask her. She sighs.

"Okay." She sits down next to me. "Callie, we're on your side. You can take it down a notch, okay?" I turn my head away.

"Yeah." I sigh.

"David told me Bill thought you'd do better in a foster home with no male authority figures. Do you know why Bill would think that?" she asks. I look at her; her eyes seem kind, trustworthy. I guess it would hurt telling her something, I mean she won't quit until I give her something. I'll just keep it vague.

"Look… when I went into juvie…"I start to tell her, but I'm interrupted by Stef walking into the room.

"Hey, here is your bag and I brought you some clothes to sleep in just in case you don't have any." She turns and leaves the room. "Good night." Given Stef's interruption I take it as I sign I shouldn't share anything to Lena.

"You were saying?" Lena asks a few seconds later.

"You have that toothbrush?" I ask her. She gets up and leaves the room, then comes back a minute later with an unopened toothbrush package. She hands it to me.

"So uh, if you need anything just let me or Stef know." She tells me. "Good night." She exits the room, leaving me alone. I get up and pick up the clothes Stef brought me. Carrying the clothes and the toothbrush I walk upstairs and find my way to the main bathroom. After checking if anyone is in it I lock all the doors that lead to the room. I draw myself a bath. I strip my clothes off and place myself in the warm water. I wrap my arms around my legs and rest my chin on my knees. I feel scared and empty inside. I know Liam is not too far from here. At least in juvie there was no way I could run into him. I think back to my last foster home. How abusive my former foster dad was. I look down at my upper legs, looking at the scars from the cuts I inflicted on myself. I knew better than to cut on my wrists, or anywhere people might take notice. Whenever I took a beating that didn't leave me completely motionless I would cut. No one noticed. I hid it well. Even if the did notice I doubt they would care. If anyone found out I would probably be sent to a group home. I wash myself and wash my hair. When I'm done I stand up and get out of the tub. I dry myself and put the clothes on. Not looking at myself in the mirror I brush my teeth and then head back downstairs. I hear shuffling in the kitchen and out of curiosity I walk into the kitchen. I see Mariana going through something. She seems pretty startled when she turns around and sees me standing in the doorway.

"I needed some water." she says then scurries away. When she's gone I walk over to where she was standing and I reach up and look through the basket she was rummaging through. I come across a bottle of prescription ADD pills for Jesus Foster. What's Mariana doing taking her brother's pills? Whatever, it's none of my business. I walk back to the living room and sit on the couch. I lie down and curl up, covering myself with the sheet. I rest my head on the pillows and close my eyes. It's funny how at night all of our demons pop back into our heads. Everything that haunts us, all our mistakes, all the bad memories, all the pain comes back when you're trying to fall asleep. Makes you wonder whether it's really worth it, being on this earth. Having to endure everyday with the bad secrets and pain. It's not fair. I breathe slowly and it calms my body down, and eventually I drift off to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

My eyes dart open and my body shoots up. I frantically look around and when I realize where I am I relax a little. My breathing is quick and my heart is racing. It was another nightmare, that's all. I look at the clock on the DVR. It's only 5:00. Great. I have nightmares almost every night, but when I wake up from them, I can never fall back asleep. I stare up at the ceiling and think back to a time when I was actually happy. It gets harder to remember them as time passes. I will never forgive myself for surviving. I will never forgive my dad for driving drunk. I don't know why mom would have even let him drive. Why did she? Why did they have to die? Why did I survive? The answers to all these questions I will never know. I remember my dad wasn't even allowed to go to their funerals. I had no other known family who could have taken me in. Ever since that day I have been living with a hole in my heart. A hole only my mother and my baby brother could fill. I still grieve for them every day silently when I'm alone. It's not fair. Why did I have to live? I would have been better off if I had died that night. It beats having to live the life I'm enduring now. A life full of fear, full of grief, a life empty of love, empty of happiness, a life deprived of hope. Most days I feel like a zombie, like I'm just waiting to die. I get lost in my thoughts for then next hour, starring off into space. I snap out of my haze when I hear commotion in the kitchen. I walk in the room and see everyone up and dressed and preparing breakfast. "Good morning sunshine. Orange juice on the table, help yourself. Make yourself at home." Stef says cheerfully. It's way too early for this.

"Okay backpacks, backpacks." Lena says. They're all having their own conversations that I don't really listen to. I grab a cup from a shelf then I slowly make my way over to the counter where the coffee pot is. I pour myself a cup and when I look up everyone is looking at me. Stef and Lena exchange looks. "Would you like some cream?" Lena offers. I shake my head and begin to sip the scorching bitter liquid from the mug.

"Uh, can I have some coffee too?" Jesus asks.

"No." Stef and Lena say in unison. Everyone then continues to do what he or she was doing before while I just lean against the counter sipping my coffee. When I sipped the last bit of liquid from the cup I rinse it under the sink, quickly dab some dish soap in it, scrub the inside of the cup, rinse it again, then dry it. I return the cup to its original location and I notice everyone is starring at me again. What, did they not expect me to clean up after myself? I learned that lesson the hard way when I was in my second foster home. Ever since I always immediately clean up after myself. The longer I leave something lying around the more trouble it will cost me in the long run.

"I'm uh, gonna go change." I mumble. I leave the kitchen and head back to the living room where I get some clothes out. I only have three of everything, including the clothes I was wearing yesterday. Three long sleeved shirts made from light fabric, three plain pairs of jeans, three bras, three pairs of underwear, three pairs of socks, and obviously one pair of shoes. At random I pick out one of everything and head into the bathroom. When I'm done dressing myself I pull up my shirt for a quick moment to see how the bruise on my side is doing. It looks about the same as it did yesterday. It will take a while to heal. I brush my teeth with my new toothbrush then exit the bathroom and make my way back to the kitchen.

"Callie here. I have a notebook and your schedule." Lena says smiling as she hands me a piece of paper and a new notebook.

"Okay." I mumble.

"All right time to go! Everyone in the car!" Lena shouts. "Bye love." She turns to Stef and quickly pecks her on the lips. I follow Lena outside and to the car I rode in yesterday. Without question I get in the passenger seat. There's no way I'm going to sit squished in the back with people I don't know, two of them being guys. Once everyone's in the car Lena backs out of the driveway and we're off to school.

…

We pull into a parking lot, passing a sigh that says "Anchor Beach Community Charter School" and Lena pulls into a parking spot that's reserved for her, the vice principal. We all get out of the car. "Hey Brandon, why don't you show Callie around?" Lena suggests. "She's starting the day in Timothy's class." She tells him. "You have your class list, Callie?" she asks me. "You're going to love Timothy he's a lot of fun." She tells me as Brandon and I walk away. I follow Brandon to a grassy area with round lunch tables that looks out on to the beach. There are students everywhere.

"You go to school here?" I say in disbelief.

"Yeah, um… so, Timothy's room… um it's over there, you'll find it okay, right?" he says pointing in a general direction, real helpful. "I got like twenty minutes before class so I wanted to go practice."

"Practice for what?" I ask.

"The music finals for the competition tonight."

"Right." I say remembering the excitement from last night.

"All right. Well, see ya." He says then turns around, walking away from me. A group of girls are staring at me, looking alarmed almost. It's to the point where it's getting uncomfortable.

"Hey, wait up!" I call after Brandon. I catch up to him and follow to wherever he's going. We head up a flight of stairs and into a room filled with musical heads straight for the keyboard. I walk over to the open window in front of it and lean out a little, resting my crossed arms on the sill. For a few minutes I listen to him play. He's really good, no wonder he made it to finals. He's playing a really soft gentle piece. I turn around. "What is that?" I ask genuinely wanting to know the answer.

"What, the song?" he asks and stops playing. "Oh, I wrote it." He states. Wow.

"You wrote it." I smile.

"Yup, it's for the contest. You need one classical piece, and one original composition. It's about the night mom and Lena asked me it if was okay for the twins to come and live with us." Interesting.

"How is it about that? Doesn't have any words."

"Listen." He says as he begins to play again. "Okay, so… that's me." he says playing one key at a time. "And…" he adds two more. "These are my moms." He then adds two more to the mix. "This is all of us. This is me, mom, Lena, the twins… see how it all works better?" he asks. Wow, this is some deep stuff going on in this kids heart. It's beautiful but deep.

"Nice." That was all I could manage to get out.

"Yeah… I don't know. I still think it's missing something." He says looking at his music sheet.

"No I like it." I reassure him. "Wait, they asked you if the twins could move in with you? Were you going to say no?"

"Nah, I mean, I don't know. I figured there was enough to go around." He answers.

"Enough of what?" I ask.

"Everything." He says. Again with the deep stuff. A strawberry blonde walks up behind him. I didn't even notice or hear the door open.

"Hey baby." The girl says wrapping her arm gently and loosely around his shoulder.

"Hey, what's up?" he asks.

"How are you?"

"I'm good…" the girl kisses him. Weird for me, just standing here awkwardly. "How are you?" Brandon asks when they're done.

"I'm good." She looks at me, noticing my presence in the room. "Who's this?"

"Uh, this is Callie. Callie, this is Talya." He introduces us. "She's going to be staying with us for a while." He tells her.

"Welcome to Anchor Beach." Talya says unexcitedly.

"Thanks." I say.

"She's actually in Timothy's room with you, T. So, if you want to… show her where it is." He suggests.

"Oh yeah, of course. But we should go." She kisses him goodbye.

"Have fun." He chuckles. The bell rings, and I follow the redhead to my first class of the day.


	3. Chapter 3

The day couldn't have ended sooner. People have been staring at me all day. I don't know if it's because I'm the new girl or if it's the bruise on my cheek and the cut on my lip. Somehow word got out that I'm fresh out of juvie, so people are making up overdramatic stories about what I did to get there. I didn't think the stares and whispers would affect me as much as it did. I just want to curl up in a ball and die. I've always hated being the center of attention. It's such an alien feeling to me. The attention I got in my other foster homes wasn't ideal, so whenever I'm ignored or left alone, I feel safe, comfortable even. Hopefully in a few days the staring and whispering would die down, and I'll become invisible. The less people who know me the better; better for me and better for them. I know Stef and Lena are meeting with Bill today, god only knows what he will tell them. My file is completely one-sided, and those papers aren't on mine. I have a feeling I won't be here long. Sooner or later I'll get shipped off to some new home; but it's only been less than a day so who knows how long I'll be in this house. The girl Mariana seems to want me out of here the most, maybe it's because I caught her stealing her brother's pills. I'm not going to narc on her but the icy glares she keeps giving me isn't helping at all. I'm nervous as hell since Liam lives not too far away from here. The thought of him makes my heart pound. I had a nightmare last night like I do every night, but it wasn't about him, though I'm afraid being to close to him geographically he will haunt me in my dreams again, or I'll start having panic attacks. And the fact that I'm living with two teenage boys now doesn't ease my concerns. They seem like cool people but I can't take any chances. When we got back to the house I went into the living room and did my homework. Then we had dinner. Now since we finished cleaning up after dinner Stef and Lena ushers us all into the little nook across from the kitchen. "Everyone grab a seat." Stef tells us. "So we have something to talk about, obviously." She says.

"Uh, Stef and I had our meeting with Bill, and we've come to a decision." Lena adds. This is it, the moment of truth. "Callie, we are not in a position offer you a home forever." Well I kind of saw this coming but it still hurts.

"But we want you to be as comfortable and safe as possible until Bill finds you a permanent home, however long that may take." Stef says trying to soften the blow I guess.

"It could be a week, it could be a year. We just don't know." Lena says.

"Yeah. We want this to be your very last way station ever, ever, ever, okay?" Stef adds. I take a moment to process this information.

"So, that means we need to get you out of the living room." Lena says. "I think you'll be okay to camp out here one more night but tomorrow we're having a bed delivered so tomorrow afternoon let's help Callie get settled in okay?"

"Yes, Brandon and Jesus, could use a little muscle, all right?" Stef informs the boys. "Callie, you'll be moving into Mariana's room, all right." Oh wonderful. Mariana looks at me wide eyed.

"Wait, what?" Mariana says, a little angry.

"Mariana you heard us." Lena says.

"It's okay, I can just stay in the living room. I don't mind." I tell them. I really don't want to cause problems. Problems lead to arguments; arguments lead to resentment, which leads to hate and more arguments and that leads to beatings. I don't mind sleeping on the couch, it's not like I haven't done it before. In one home a couch was my bed for months before I got moved again.

"Callie we don't know how long you're going to be here, and even if it's just for a week we want you to be comfortable." They're being so nice to me. I don't deserve it. I look down at the floor.

"Thank you." I say solemnly. "If you'll excuse me I just, I'm just gonna go to the bathroom." I tell them. I rush out of the nook and head straight for the bathroom. Once I'm in I lock the door. I feel so overwhelmed I don't know what to do with myself. It's like I can't cope. I did around looking for something, anything, with a sharp point on it. After rummaging through each drawer I came to the conclusion that there's nothing I could use here, I should've guessed. This is just half a bathroom located off the kitchen. What to do… I need a release. My heart starts pounding and I start having a panic attack. I lean against the door and sit myself down on the tiled floor, taking in deep breaths until it passes.

**Kind of short I know. Sorry if it's not too good. Having a severe case of writer's block. For those of you who have commented about me using the actual show's dialogue I do so for a reason. Even with my own storyline there are some scenes from the show I thought I should include in the fic to display Callie's point of view and take on things. Any suggestions are welcomed.  
**


	4. Chapter 4

I wake up the next morning and roll off the couch. Yay for Saturday. I trudge my over to the kitchen where I see Stef and Lena are sitting at the table drinking coffee. "Good morning Callie." Stef greets me.

"Hi." I mumble. I grab a mug and fill it with the rest of the coffee left in the pot.

"So when did you start drinking coffee?" Stef asks.

"Thirteen." I state. I sip the liquid and sit on one of the stools. I look up to see my two foster moms staring at me. "What?"

"That's uh, quite an early age to start drinking coffee. Why did you start?" Stef asks.

"I don't know. I always had to make it for my foster dad I had at the time. He was a divorced middle-aged man who worked a lot. I had a lot of chores and homework that I always had to do. I figured, why not? It's not liked he noticed or even cared. I find the bitter taste nice." I tell them like it's no big deal.

"Oh, well, maybe you should think about cutting back on the coffee." Stef comments.

"Why?"

"Well, getting addicted to caffeine at your age isn't really healthy for you." She tells me. Why does she care?

"Uh, thanks for the insight, but I'll think I'll stick to what I've always done. It's gotten me this far." I tell them.

"Uh, okay." Stef takes a sip of her coffee. "Oh, we uh talked to your probation officer yesterday after we chatted with Bill." she adds. Oh great.

"Uh, what about?"

"Well, he told us that part of your probation is that every Saturday you go to a group therapy session." She says.

"Why?" I groan.

"Because it might be good to have some other kids to talk to. There will be other foster kids there and you may even make some friends." Lena chimes in.

"Do I have a choice?" I ask.

"Well, technically yes you do. You can go to the group or skip it; but if you skip a certain amount of sessions in a row without a legit excuse then you'll be in violation of your parole and you'd be sent back to juvie." Stef says, her way of tough love I guess.

"Fine." I sigh. "What time is it?" I ask.

"It's at noon at a youth center. Stef will drive you." Lena says. Oh great, riding in a car, alone, with a cop.

"Yup so go, eat something, get ready, car leaves at 11:30." Stef says as she rises from her stool, putting her mug in the sink. I finish my coffee and get up from the stool I was sitting on.

"Oh, I'll take that for you." Lena says. "You go get ready." I hand her my cup and leave the kitchen. I grab my last clean set of clothes and dart up the stairs to the heading to the bathroom. Just as I was about to turn the knob the door opens and Mariana is now in the doorway. She sighs and shoots me a look, before walking away. I have a feeling she's still mad that she now has to share her room with me. I enter the now vacant bathroom and take a quick shower. When I'm done I change into my clothes and attempt to towel dry my hair. When I stopped smothering my head with the towel my hair is now damp rather than soaking and dripping wet. I quickly brush my teeth then exit the bathroom. I knock on Mariana's door. She opens it and looks at me.

"Uh, thank you for letting my borrow some of your clothes to sleep in. I appreciate it." I tell her. She huffs, grabs the clothes I held in my arms, then shuts the door in my face. I turn around and begin to walk to the beginning of the stairs but the sound of the door opening catches my attention. Mariana pops her head out.

"You're welcome." She says. I give her a little smile and she returns it before retreating back into her room. I jog down the stairs where Stef is waiting for me at the front door. She looks very different when she's not wearing her cop uniform and when her hair is not up in a bun.

"Ready to go?" Stef asks.

"I guess." I hate going to therapy of any kind. At least it's a group so I'm not just sitting awkwardly alone with someone who the law says I have to share my inner deep feelings with. I follow Stef out the door and into the car she drives. It's different from Lena's, bigger. I get in the passenger seat and buckle up. Stef starts the car and pulls out of the driveway. After a few minutes of much appreciated awkward silence she interrupts it. "So Callie, we've never really had the chance to talk you know, just you and me." she says.

"So." I mumble.

"So is there anything you want to share with me. I'd like to get to know you better."

"Why?" I ask. Why would she want to know me? All she needs to do is feed me and keep me under a roof and the state will send her and Lena a check. It's not like they actually have to care about me. In most homes I was just used as a maid and a meal ticket.

"Well, you're currently living in my house. I'd kind of like to know something about you. I don't want you to feel like you're an intrusion, or that you're living with a bunch of strangers."

"Why don't you just look in my file?" I ask. That's what most people do. They read my file and they think they have a good idea who I am.

"You're not your file Callie." Stef says. I sigh. She's the first person who ever fostered me to say that.

"What do you wanna know?" I ask, looking out the window.

"Well how about for starters, how did you end up in the system?" she asks. Why is she me asking this?

"Out of all the things you could've asked me why that? You already know, it's in my file." I state.

"It may be in your file but those are just words typed up on a paper, to you, it's a memory. I'd like to hear it from you." She says.

"My mom and dad went to a party one of their friend's was having. They were celebrating his birthday. They couldn't find a sitter so they took my little brother and I along. My dad ended up drinking. He was driving home and he drank too much. He ran a red light and one of those eighteen wheeler trucks crashed into the side of the car where my mom and my brother were seated. I survived; my dad survived, but he's in jail now, for drunk driving, child endangerment, and a few other charges. I've been in the system ever since. I was ten." I tell her the tale of the one of worst days of my life. The whole time I was telling the story I was looking out the window, all emotion drained from my voice. It was like I was giving a book report or something.

"That's terrible. I'm sorry that happened to you." Stef says sincerely. She pities me. A lot of people pity me. I hate pity. It makes me feel weak.

"Thanks." I mumble.

"Your brother, what was his name?" she asks.

"Jude." I state quietly, my eyes becoming moist. Whenever I think of Jude or say his name I get emotional. "He was seven." I say, telling her how old he was when he died. He was so young, and so special. He would have had his whole life ahead of him if it weren't for my dumb-ass dad who decided he was sober enough to drive after a party he and his wife took his two little children to. I mean, who does that? Who takes their children to a party where there's alcohol? That was just a lack of common sense on both their parts. My mom wanted to drive home that night, she didn't drink at all; she stayed with Jude and me the whole time. She even tried to take the keys away from my dad, but he refused. Eventually she gave up the fight because she knew she wasn't going to win, and our house wasn't too far from where the party was. I guess she rationalized and figured we'd be okay."Anything else you want to know?" I mumble, trying to get the subject off of Jude and my mom.

"Uh, what do you like to do for fun?" she asks. Small talk; wonderful, just get to the point, what does she really want to know?

"I doubt you're too interested in my hobbies. What is it that you really want to know?" I ask.

"Well one thing I have been wondering about was how you got into juvie." She states. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, I'm just curious."

"Isn't in my file?"

"It only states that you've been in juvie, not the reason why, and since you're a minor the records are sealed."

"You're a cop. Why didn't you just unseal them?" I ask.

"I can't. Not without a warrant or a court order."

"Why do you want to know?" I ask.

"Well one for my family's safety, and two, you just don't seem like the criminal type." Stef says.

"Sorry to disappoint." I say sarcastically.

"If you don't want to tell me that's fine. It's your choice."

"I was arrested for assault. My last foster dad, he would always beat the crap out of me, one day he was beating me and I just had enough of it. I fought back, a window and a lamp broke, there was screaming, the neighbor's called the cops and he told them I went crazy and he was just defending himself. He had a broken nose to help his story. I had some bruises on my face but the majority of them where under my clothes so no one could see. No one seemed to care about my side of the story." I state acting like its no big deal. I was really upset at first when they didn't believe me but I got over it. Like anyone would ever believe me, the trashy foster girl. "I was charged with assault and I spent six months in juvie." I tell her.

"I'm sorry that happened to you."

"Not your fault." I tell her. After a short pause I speak again. "I'm not a violent person. I'm not dangerous. I was just defending myself…" I tell her. "I was just tired of being abused. Ever since I was ten I've been abused in some way. I was just tired of being that guys punching bag." I blurt out, getting emotional. My eyes are watering, damn; I hate getting emotional in front of people, especially foster parents and cops.

"Oh, honey…" Stef coos. She reaches her and, attempting to place her hand on my shoulder, but my instincts kick in and I flinch. She seems a little startled from my reaction, and her eyes sadden.

"Sorry. Just habit I guess." I mumble.

"It's okay." She looks at me then turns her eyes back to the road. Eventually, Stef pulls into a parking lot. The rest of the ride was silent. "Okay. Here we are." She says as she puts the car in park. "It's over at 2 so I'll try to be back around then to pick you up." She says as I unbuckle my belt. I look at her then hop out of the car. "Good luck." She shouts as I walk away. I head into the building and just followed the other kids that seemed to know where they were going. I enter a room with couches and chairs all placed in a circle. I sit down on one of the fold up chairs, slouching and pouting. God I really don't want to be here.

"All right everyone if we can all take our seats." An older woman with short black hair talks over the other conversations that are taking place. The talking dies down and people start to sit themselves down. "Okay. Hello everyone, I hope you all had a nice week." She greets. "We have a new member today, everyone, this is Callie." She says motioning over to me. All the eyes in the room are on me now.

"Hi." I say sounding unintentionally aggressive. Everyone turns his or her attention back to the woman.

"Welcome Callie." The woman smiles at me. "Do you want to tell us a little bit about yourself?" she asks.

"I'm sixteen, been in the system since I was ten. I was just placed in a new home." I state sounding emotionless, purposely being vague. I know how these groups work, and I don't feel too great about having to go to one. Throughout my six years in the system I've learned not to trust easily, it's safer that way.

"Well it's nice to meet you Callie." The woman says to me. "I'm Dr. Kodema." The woman introduces herself. "So…" she says turning to the rest of the group. "Who wants to start things off?" she asks. "Riley, how 'bout you? How was your week?" she says, calling out a boy who looks to be about fourteen, maybe fifteen. I silently sigh and slouch further down into the chair. While pretending to listen to the boy talk, I zone out, getting lost in my own thoughts.

…

**Stef's POV**

I watch Callie walk into the youth center. I wait five minutes just to make sure she doesn't ditch. I pull out of the parking lot and merge into traffic. Using the Bluetooth in my car I call Lena. "Hello?" I hear her voice after a few rings.

"Hey love, could you do me a favor? Could you check to see if we have an extra backpack for Callie?"

"Yeah sure. I'll do that right now." She says.

"Thanks. So anything exciting happen in the twenty minutes that I've been gone?" I ask her.

"No, not really. Brandon and Mariana are in their rooms and Jesus is playing video games. The bed is being delivered at around one." She tells me. "Yeah, I don't think we have a backpack that's not meant for a fourth grader. We're going to have to buy a new one."

"How about after she gets done with group we take her out to a late lunch and then the three of us go shopping. We can get her a backpack. Also if we have enough wiggle room in our budget we could get her some clothes she can sleep in. It must be weird for her having to borrow Mariana's clothes all the time." I suggest.

"That's a wonderful idea. Yeah I'll check the accounts and figure out how much we can afford to spend."

"Great. Oh, one more thing…" I say before I hang up.

"Yes?"

"Can you text me the grocery list? I'll stop by the store before I come home."

"Sure thing."

"Oh, and I got Callie to open up a little. I'll tell you the details when I get home, but from what she shared, I can tell you one thing: this girl has gone through more in her short time on this earth than anyone should in their entire lifetime."

"That bad?" Lena asks, her voice etched with concern.

"Kind of. I mean I new she would have a past, all foster kids do, but from the two stories she's told me, and they way she shared them, oh Lena it's just so sad. I feel so bad for her. God knows what would have happened to her if you hadn't agreed to take her in last minute. I'm starting to think you made the right decision. This girl needs to be somewhere safe, and I know she is with us." I tell her.

"I almost said no to David, but when I saw Callie's eyes, they were so full of fear and sadness. They looked so lost. I didn't have the heart to say no." she tells me.

"You have a kind and gentle heart my love." I pause. "So yeah text me the list and I'll tell you what I've learned when I get back." I say changing the subject.

"Alright. Be safe." She tells me.

"Always my love. Bye."

"Bye." I end the call and continue my drive to the grocery store with nothing but my own thoughts, mostly reflecting on what Callie had shared with me fifteen minutes ago.

...

"Hey everyone, groceries!" I shout as I open the front door. Moments later I hear multiple sets of footsteps head in my direction. The kids, knowing the drill, go out the door and retrieve the bags filled with food and brings them into the kitchen. When all the unpacking and putting away is finished the kids disperse leaving Lena and me alone in our cozy little kitchen. "Hey." I say before giving her a quick peck on the lips. "Did the bed get delivered yet?" I ask.

"Yeah, it came when you were at the store. Brandon and Jesus moved it into Mariana's room." Lena informs me.

"And how is Miss Thing?"

"I think she's still a bit frustrated. It's going to take some getting used to for her."

"Understandable." I sit down on the stool I usually sit in. "So, we still gonna take Callie out after her group?"

"Yeah. I think it'd be good for her. We might be able to get her to open up some more."

"Yeah." I agree.

"So what did she share with you that you couldn't say over the phone?" Lena asks as she takes a seat near me. I look at her and after a brief moment of hesitation, I tell her the story about how she ended up in juvie first, then the story about how she ended up in the system, and I tell her about Jude.

**Okay so here's another chapter. Two chapters in two days! Looks like the writer's block is evaporating, yay! Okay so this chapter's a little extra long, trying to make up for the last chapter that was really short I guess. Anyway, comment, review, read! You guys are my muses!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Stef's POV**

Lena and I wait in my car, which is parked in the youth center's parking lot. Callie should be coming out any minute. Just as that thought passed through my mind I see Callie appear out of the building. She walks over to the car. Noticing that Lena's in the front seat Callie opens the rear door and crawls in the back. Both Lena and I turn around in our seats and look at her. "Hey sweets, how was your first group?" I ask.

"Wasn't my first time in a group." She mumbles, looking out the window, waiting for me to drive.

"Well Callie your bed was delivered during your group session. Brandon and Jesus already moved it into Mariana's room. It has some clean sheets and some pillows on it all ready for you when you go to sleep tonight." Lena says.

"I told you, I don't have to stay in Mariana's room. I'm fine sleeping on the couch." Callie says in response.

"Callie we insist. We want you to be comfortable while you're here, not matter how long that may be." Lena replies.

"Mariana doesn't seem to happy about sharing her room. I don't want to cause any problems. I'm fine on the couch. It's not like I haven't had one as a bed before." She states. Lena and I exchange looks. This girl has had to use a couch as a bed before? My god.

"Mariana will get over it Callie. You're staying in her room and that's final." I tell her. She looks at me a little surprised at my tone, and looks down almost submissively. That's not what I want; I don't want her to be afraid of me. "Callie it's okay. You're not causing problems for anyone." I say a little softer, trying to reassure her.

"Okay." She says quietly.

"Okay, uh, buckle up." I tell her. Lena and I turn around; I back out of my parking spot and drive out of the lot. After a few minutes with no conversation Lena speaks.

"So Callie, you were going to tell us how group was."

"No I wasn't." she states. I suck in a breath; her attitude it something that we're going to have to work on and get used to.

"Well, do you want to tell us how it went?" Lena asks.

"Not really much to tell." She mumbles. I look at her using the rear view mirror. She's just staring out the window watching the world pass her by.

"Okay…" Lena pauses for a moment. "Well are you hungry? The three of could grab a late lunch." Lena says, putting the plan we made earlier into action.

"Um no. I'm good." Callie answers.

"Callie you haven't eaten anything all day. You didn't eat at breakfast, all you had was coffee; you need to eat." I tell her. This kind of eating behavior isn't healthy for anyone, especially a teenage girl. "You have to be hungry."

"I have a small stomach. I'll manage." She tells us. Very stubborn this girl is.

"Okay. But I expect you to eat a very big dinner tonight." I tell her. The rest of the ride to the mall is quiet.

"What are we doing here?" Callie asks when I pull into the mall parking lot.

"Well Lena and I though the three of us could go shopping for a little bit. We need to get you a backpack for school and we figured you would like some clothes of your own to sleep in instead of having to borrow Mariana's all the time." I tell her. She nods her head and the three of us get out of the car. We walk through the mall together. "So Callie which store's do you like to shop at? I know Mariana likes _Forever 21 _and _H&amp;M_." I ask her as we walk.

"Uh, I just shop at Target or Walmart." The girl states.

"Oh, well there's a Target over there." I point out. She nods and heads in that direction. We enter the store and I grab a shopping cart. The three of us browse together, well Callie browses; Lena and I just follow her silently. When we get to the bag section Callie checks each price tag at every bag she considers. She finally picks out a simple looking knapsack. She holds onto the bag and continues to walk.

"Callie if you want you can put that in the cart." Lena says to her. The teenager looks at the cart but shakes her head.

"It's fine. I can carry it." She then moves forward and goes to the clothing section. She looks at some pajama shirts and pants, checking the price tag on each item she examine, just like she did with the backpack. She selects two tops and two bottoms. "Okay. I'm done." She states. Lena and I both look at her.

"Are you sure sweets? That's not a lot of clothing." I comment.

"It's all I can afford." She shrugs.

"What do you mean?" Lena asks. "Wait, did you think you're paying for this?"

"Yeah." She says like the answer was obvious. "I always pay for my things. Whenever I needed clothes or anything it always came out of my pocket. I had an after school job at my last few placements so I've been saving some money for things I need. Oh wait that reminds me…" she says. "Can I borrow that cart?" she asks. I wheel it over to her. She takes it and quickly walks over to the household section. She grabs a bottle of laundry detergent and puts the detergent, the backpack, and the clothes in the cart.

"Whoa Callie what are you doing?" I ask.

"When we get back to your house could you show me where you washer and dryer are. I couldn't find them when I was looking around. I didn't mean to snoop around I was just trying to find it. Anyway I would like to wash the clothes I do have because, well, they're dirty. If it's okay with you of course, if not I can always go to a laundry mat." She says nervously.

"Callie we have laundry detergent back home and I can wash your clothes for you. It's not a problem." I tell her. "And you don't have to pay for anything, this is our treat."

"Are you sure?" she asks.

"Yes. It's our job to take care of you. That includes buying things you need." Lena says. "Now let's put that detergent back." Lena takes the laundry detergent out of the cart and places it back on the shelf. "Is there anything else you need?"

"You know how about I just browse around by myself and I'll meet you at the checkout when I'm done." She says. "It feels kind of weird shopping with people, no offense."

"Uh, okay, we'll just wait at the checkout counters." Lena says. Callie nods and walks away with the cart. "You want to go back to the clothing section? Maybe we can pick out some more clothes for her." Lena suggests.

"Sounds good." The two of us walk back and browse for clothes we think Callie might like.

**Callie's POV**

I walk away from my foster moms and head to the personal care section. I grab some deodorant, shaving cream, and a razor package that comes extra razors. I add up the cost of everything in my head. I browse around some more and I come across a section where they sell Swiss army knives. Just by looking at it the temptation overwhelms me. Looking around, making sure Stef and Lena aren't secretly following me, I quickly pick out one and toss it in the cart. I quietly head to the checkout aisle. Noticing that they're not there yet I take the advantage and pay for my things. I don't know if they'll be mad that I disobeyed them by paying for my own things, but I feel weird having them buy me stuff. I swipe my bankcard and put it back in the small envelope I use as a wallet. The only things that are actually in that envelope are my foster system ID, my bankcard, and a wallet-sized picture of my family portrait taken when I was nine. I take the plastic bag filled with my newly bought items and dig out the receipt the cashier place in the bag. Once I find it I crinkle it up and stuff it in my jacket pocket. Out of pure paranoia that the family cop will want to look through the bag to see what I bought I also remove the Swiss army knife and shove it in my other pocket. I look up and I see Lena and Stef walking towards the cashier talking and smiling. "Oh hey Callie." Lena says when she noticed I made it here before them. She notices my bag and frowns. "Callie I thought we told you we were paying." Lena sadly.

"Sorry, I just feel weird when people buy things for me. I'm used to carrying my own weight." I say honestly.

"Well we picked out some clothes we thought you might like, any _we're_…" Lena says motioning to her and Stef. "Paying for them."

"Oh you don't have to do that. I have enough clothes." I tell them.

"Nonsense. We want to. You deserve some new clothes." Stef says.

"It's just the more I have the more I'll have to carry when I'm moved." I state.

"Callie, if you move it will be to a permanent home. That move will be your last." Lena says.

"You don't know that." I tell them. They have no control over what happens to me in the future.I sigh.

"Well whether you like it or not we're buying this for you. If the clothes aren't your style or you don't wear them we can always give them to Mariana." Stef says. She then goes and stands in line at the check they've finished paying for the clothes I didn't ask for we head back to the car. The drive back to the house was quiet.

"So Callie how about you and I put your new clothes in Mariana's room." Lena says as the three of us enter the house.

"Okay." I mumble, not that I need her help I just don't want to be rude. "Again it's fine with me if I sleep on the couch." Lena and Stef look at me.

"Callie why are you so persistent on staying in the living room? Do you not want to share a room with Mariana?" Stef asks.

"No it's just I don't want to be a bother. She seems really upset she has to make room for me." I lie. Truthfully I just don't want to wake up when I have my nightmares every night. No one knows I have been having them and I kind of want to keep it that way.

"Well like I said, Mariana will get over it." Stef replies.

"She will. Just give it time." Lena adds. We hear footsteps descend from the stairs and Mariana appears.

"Hey." She greets her moms.

"Hello Miss Thing." Stef smiles at her. Why do they call her Miss Thing? "How are you?"

"Fine." Mariana shrugs. She eyes the bag Lena is carrying. "Whatcha got there?"

"Oh, we bought Callie some new clothes." Lena answers.

"You shop at Target?" Mariana comments like it's repulsive.

"Yeah." I answer.

"So Mariana how about you show Callie where she can put her things." Lena suggests.

"Sure. I freed up some closet space and a couple of drawers for you." She states. Lena hands her the plastic bag she was holding. "Come on." Mariana tells me. I follow the girl up the stairs and into her bedroom. I see a small bed in the corner of the room. I place the bag I had on it and begin to remove the items it contained.


	6. Chapter 6

The weekend went by fast and quietly. No one bothered me too much, which was good with me. Mariana's cold glares have softened a bit. We did have a locker search in school today, which I'm used to. We would have them like every other week at my old school. Lena gave me some old binders and some pens and pencils so now I can actually do schoolwork. Brandon is staying after with a teacher and Jesus is doing god knows what. Mariana and I are walking back to Stef and Lena's house. The walk was silent and awkward, but then suddenly Mariana stops walking. "What's wrong?" I ask looking at her now worried face.

"There's two cars in the driveway. Why are both my moms home?" she asks me. Like I'd know the answer. We head up the walkway and I follow Mariana into the house. I close the door and we see Stef and Lena standing in the dining room. "Hey. Is everything okay?" Mariana asks nervously.

"Mariana will you please go upstairs. Mama and I need to talk to Callie." Stef tells her, sounding serious. My foster sister slowly goes up the steps leading to the second floor of the house. I walk into the dining room and take a seat at the table. Something's up, I can feel it. I make sure all my walls are up, that I'm not showing any emotion whatsoever.

"So Callie, today after the locker search I caught one of Mariana's friends, Kelsey, in the bathroom sniffing the medicine that is in Jesus's ADD medication capsules. She uh, told me that you stole Jesus's pills and sold them to her. Is this true?" Lena tells me. Great, some snobby friend of Mariana's said that I'm the school's new drug dealer. Does it ever end?

"No." I state blankly. It's the truth but I know they won't believe me.

"Then why would she say it was you?" Stef asks.

"Well I guess I'm just an easy target. I mean, come on; I'm the new girl, and everyone knows I was in juvie." I tell them.

"Okay well, how about you go start your homework. Lena and I need some time to talk about this." Stef sighs. I get up and go into the bathroom off of the kitchen. Great, I've been in this house less than a week and I'm already getting kicked out. I know they don't believe me I mean why would they; and even if I told them the truth, that Mariana was the one who stole the pills they definitely wont believe me. Unless a miracle happens there's no way I'm not taking the fall for this; but miracles don't happen to me. I take my newly bought Swiss army knife that I keep with me at all times now and open the scissors. Since my jeans are covering my legs and I'm too stressed out and impatient to undress I slip my jacket off and arrange one of the scissor blades against the skin on my upper inner left arm. I take a deep breath and slice the blade across my skin. I feel the sting from the air entering the wound and I release the breath I've been holding. I feel the blood quickly flow out. It dribbles down my arm, leaving a faint crimson trail behind. I grab some tissues and press them against the sliced skin. When the bleeding stops I wet some new tissues and wipe my arm clean and slip my jacket on. I make a mental note to buy gauze next time I'm out shopping alone. I flush the bloody tissues down the toilet, ridding the bathroom of any evidence of what I just did. I close the scissors and put the knife back into my jacket pocket. I exit the bathroom and head upstairs into Mariana's room. I immediately sit on my bed and unload the textbooks and binders from my backpack. Mariana is on her laptop, but she closes it and looks at me.

"What?" I mumble.

"I heard what you and moms were talking about." She says. "Why didn't you tell them the truth?"

"I did tell them the truth." I state.

"But why didn't you tell them it was me?" she asks.

"Cause I'm not a narc. And besides, even if I did they wouldn't believe me." I state. I open one of my textbooks and start reading. I open my notebook to a blank page and begin taking notes.

"So you're gonna just take the fall for me?" she asks, sounding a little guilty.

"It's not like I have a choice." I mumble. "It's just the way it is."

"But you might get kicked out. Or even go back to juvie." She says.

"Well no one's gonna believe me so there's nothing I can really do about it." I snap. She looks down with a sad guilty expression. Frustrated, I get up and leave the room. Feeling myself becoming emotional, I head into the bathroom. I lock the door and let the tears flow down my face. I cry by myself, letting it all out. I cry for the fact that no one will ever believe me, I cry for the reason I'm here in the first place, I cry because I'm feeling so weak and helpless, and I cry because my life is so messed up.

...

After a good ten minutes I calm myself down. I exit the bathroom and head downstairs. I pass Jesus on the way. I head outside in the backyard and sit on the steps of the deck. I rest my chin on my knees and take some deep breaths. While my breathing evens out I think back to one of my former foster homes. The woman misplaced her prescription painkillers for the back pain she claimed to have and she accused me of taking them. She locked me in a closet. I was left alone in the dark for god knows how long. She let me out and told me she found them in her car. She didn't even apologize. I hear footsteps coming near me. I look over and see Stef and Lena walking over to me. They each sit beside me. My heartbeat naturally increases and my body becomes tense.

"It seems we have uh, be given some misinformation." Stef says. I look at her.

"Jesus told us he was the one who sold the pills." Lena says and I look at her.

"We're sorry we were so close to jump to conclusions." Stef says honestly. I look down at my feet. "We feel that in this house trust has to be earned." She adds.

"Yeah and we'd really like to start earning yours." Lena finishes.

"So again, we're sorry." Stef says. She places a hand on my knee and I flinch a little. She automatically removes the hand and sighs. "So um, dinner's gonna be ready soon." She says awkwardly. "Lena and I, we're gonna go set the table." She says. Lena, taking the hint to leave me alone stands up along with Stef and they head back into the house. I feel like crying I'm so relieved, even though Jesus lied. I don't know why he would take the fall for Mariana and clear my name; but what I do know; I get to stay at least one more night. It's a miracle. The first piece of good luck I have gotten since I lost my family.

**Hey all, I know it's been a while since I've updated. April vacation is finally here so I'll be updating some more soon, if I don't get another case of writers block. If you guys have any ideas you want to see in the story feel free to suggest! You guys are awesome! Your comments motivate and inspire me!  
**


	7. Chapter 7

"Now he's guilty, insofar as he did commit the crime, but he doesn't feel that way until he gets caught." Timothy leans against his desk as he preaches to my small English class Tuesday morning. "Okay," he says as he picks up a blue composition book. "Now I want everyone to write about guilt in their journals this week." He says dropping the notebook on my desk. I look up at him.

"Wait, write?" I ask. "With like a pen, like longhand?" he chuckles.

"Yes, like longhand." He answers. "And uh, don't worry no one's gonna read it." He assures me. "It's just for you to get in the habit of writing everyday." The bell rings and everyone rises from their desks. "Okay, guys, seriously I want you to write about whatever it is that you feel weird or ashamed or guilty about. You'll feel better about it I promise." he shouts so everyone can hear him as they leave the room.

…

The day came and went. I did my homework, I ate dinner, I got ready for bed; but I still didn't do the assignment for Timothy's class. Now, sitting in my small bed that's tucked in the corner of Mariana's room, the only light coming from the dull lamp next to me, I stare at the open notebook in my lap while I tap my pen against the blank paper. I lean against the wall and sigh. "Are you gonna be up much longer?" Mariana asks nicely. I look over at her. "I can't sleep with the light on." She explains. I close the journal and put it on the nightstand. I switch the light off and bury myself under the covers, not saying a word. She sighs loudly. "I'm not just some selfish bitch you know." She states.

"Okay." I say, not really caring.

"I didn't sell the pills for me." Why is she telling me this? "It's not like I bought a new dress or something." Okay I'll bite.

"Then why'd you do it?"

"For my birth mom." She answers. Whoa, plot twist. I actually didn't see that coming. I turn over and look at her, propping myself up on my elbows.

"I'm listening." I tell her.

"A couple of weeks ago I made contact with her. I know she left my brother and me but she came back. She's a drug addict who's trying to get better, so I started to sell Jesus's pills so I can save some money. I met up with her the day after you got here, and I gave her the money I got, you know, just to help her out, help her get back on her feet. I was so happy I got to meet her; I mean she's my mom you know, well my birth mom anyway. But, she just said hi to me, took the money I gave her, and left, like I was just some ATM." She says sadly. I kind of feel bad for her. She sighs and looks down at her lap.

"I get it." I state. She looks up at me, appearing surprised. "You were just trying to help her out. They way you went about it was dumb but your intent was good." I tell her.

"Thanks." She says quietly. I nod my head and turn back over facing the wall. I lie on my side and fall asleep.

...

I sit at my desk tapping my pen against the paper in my journal. Timothy kept me after school because I didn't do my writing assignment. I'm not the only one, another kid, a boy, didn't do it either. Timothy said if we just write one word I could go.

_Liam._

I wrote. Seeing his name on paper makes me feel all sorts of emotions, and I hate it. I now classify emotions as weakness, so I rid myself of them a long time ago. It was the only way I could survive. I'm not living I'm surviving. The difference between the two is huge; the funny thing is people think they are the same thing. They're not though, not even close. I place the tip of the pen back on the paper and being to write.

_He was one of my old foster brothers. He's been on my mind ever since I was placed here. He lives not too far away. I'm so paranoid that I'm going to see him. He's caused a lot of grief in my life. His family was so nice. They treated me like one of their own, like I was family. Liam was nice to me from the start. He paid attention to me. We started hanging out and that's when things got… complicated. His parents found out and he blamed it all on me. He took something from me, and I can never get it back. I couldn't report it because it would then go in my file and I'd never get fostered again. I just have to live with what happened everyday. I started to move on but being back in near him, it was like someone cup opened an old wound. And that hurts. _

Writing about Liam even just for a moment is painful yet relieving. I place my pen down and look at Timothy. "Uh, I started to write. Can I go now?" I ask. I need to get out of here. I'm feeling vulnerable for some reason and I'm afraid I'll start to panic. I don't like to display my panic attacks to people. Timothy glances at my journal, seeing that a few lines are filled with words.

"Yeah Callie. You can go. See you tomorrow." He states. He then moseys over to the boy I stayed after with and looks over his shoulder. I grab my bag and practically run out of the room. I go to the nearest bathroom and lock myself in a stall. My breathing is labored and my heart is pounding painfully. I sit on the floor leaning my back against the stall and wait for the panic attack to be over.

**A/N: Oh my god I am so sorry I haven't updated in so long. I feel terrible. Things got a little busy after April vacation. I had to focus on school and graduation and it was just so hectic. Again I'm so sorry for making you wait. I'm also dealing with a severe case of writer's block. Anyway comments and suggestions are super appreciated! **


	8. Chapter 8

The last few weeks have been okay. I had a few more attacks but I didn't feel the need to cut. Stef and Lena had given me a cell phone so I can be in contact with them. Today being a Saturday and all I had to go to group. Last week I befriended a girl, Sarah, who is apparently being fostered by Liam's parents. When she said how great they have been treating her I knew she hadn't been there for long. She's about my age when I was fostered there. I just don't want the same thing that happened to me happen to her, but I can't just rush in and tell her what a monster Liam really is. I have to be smart about it. This week Mrs. Olmstead picked up Sarah after group so I didn't get a chance to really talk to her. It's nice out so I told Stef that I would walk back to the house. She protested at first since it's kind of a long distance to walk but I was able to convince her, telling her that I'll be fine and that I need the exercise. I walk into a fast food place since I need something to drink. A kid around my age takes my order, which just consists of getting me a bottle of water. I give him three dollars and told him to keep the change. I then grab my water and take a sip as I head to the door. I reach for it but it opens and I bump into someone with a very hard chest. "Oh, sorry I…" I began to apologize but when I looked up and saw that face staring at me my heart stopped.

"Callie." The man says my name.

"Liam." I gulp. I try to bolt but he grabs my wrist and squeezes it hard, so hard it hurts. "Ow, Liam let me go." I groan.

"You listen to me," he whispers, he lips almost touching my ear. "Stop talking to Sarah."

"Or what huh?" I ask trying to put on a brave face. "You gonna do to her what you did to me?" I snarl back.

"I'm warning you," he grips my wrist tighter. "Stay away from Sarah or you're gonna regret it." He threatens. He lets go of me and I bolt out the door. I lean against the brick wall of the building, safely outside. I rub my wrist then take off running.

...

I ran the rest of the way home. I guess Lena must be out because her car isn't here. I know Mariana's at Lexi's, Brandon is with his girlfriend, and Jesus is out doing god knows what. I run inside. I hear Stef say something but I didn't really listen. I just ran upstairs and run into the bathroom. I take off my jacket and get my pocketknife. I slice the skin on my left shoulder, looking in the mirror as a line of crimson starts to form. My racing heart starts to clam itself, but not enough, so I carve another one. After a few minutes my heart returns to a normal beat and the panic that was spreading through my veins like poison had subsided for now. I tend to my wounds, pressing some tissues against them. When I believe the bleeding has ceased I place the now red stained Kleenex on the sink.

"Callie?" I hear Stef's voice through the door as she knocks against the wood. I gather the tissues.

"Uh one sec." I shout anxiously. I flush the tissues down the toilet and quickly run my hands under the faucet. I put my jacket back on, put my knife in my back pocket, and open the door. "Hey." I say quickly. Stef looks at me.

"You okay sweets?" she asks.

"Yeah. Yeah I'm okay why wouldn't I be?" I ask a little too fast. Get it together Callie. If she finds out, who knows what will happen.

"Well, when you got home you just ran upstairs not even saying hello, or closing the door behind you." She says.

"Oh, sorry, I uh just really needed to use the bathroom." I tell her.

"Upstairs? Why not use the one near the kitchen?"

"I guess it just didn't occur to me." I chuckle nervously. Stef looks at me suspiciously.

"Okay then. So how was group?"

"It was good. Fine." I answer.

"Are you sure nothing's wrong?" she asks again, placing her hand on my shoulder. The fabric from my jacket is pressed against the cuts on my skin. I hiss from the contact since the wounds on that shoulder are still a little sensitive.

"What's on your jacket?" Stef asks curiously. She looks at her hand, then pressed her finger right on top of my covered cuts. She examines the tips of her fingers. They're red. "Is this blood?" she asks me.

"What?" I ask, playing dumb.

"Callie take off your jacket." She commands.

"What, no." I tell her.

"Callie I mean it. Take it off." She says in her cop tone. When I still refuse she tries to take it off herself.

"Okay, okay, I'll take it off." I give in, and she backs off. I hand her my jacket and she looks at it. She studies it for a moment. She then looks at me and notices my shoulder. "Callie you're bleeding." She says. She comes even closer to me and now studies my shoulder. "What happened? How did you get these?" she asks seriously.

"Nothing. I don't know." I shrug my shoulder away from her examining hands. "It's fine don't worry about it." She scans the rest of my arm and sees the faded scars from my previous actions.

"Did you do this to yourself?" she asks me, her tone sad and her face etched with concern.

**A/N: Again sorry for the wait. Still struggling with writer's block.**


	9. Chapter 9

The two of us sit at the table. I look down at my lap not wanting to face her. The silence is torture. "So how long has this been going on?" Stef finally says. Her voice is calm but concern lingers off her words.

"In your house or all together?" I ask. I can't look at her. I feel so ashamed.

"When did you start?" she rephrases her question.

"Two years ago." I state, still looking down at my lap.

"Is there a specific reason why you started?" she asks. This is starting to feel like an interrogation.

"I was in a really bad foster home. It gave me a feeling of relief and control. I've been doing it off and on again ever since. I couldn't do it when I was in juvie though. Now I only do it when I'm stressed or triggered." I say.

"What triggered you today?" she's being very calm, very patient.

"I saw someone from my past. Someone that hurt me." I state, purposely being vague. I don't want to tell her any details about Liam. I don't want her to know how damaged I really am. I hear her sigh.

"May I ask what exactly did this person do?"

"I don't want to talk about it. I can't." I say, my eyes getting watery. I finally broke. I finally look up at her. Her face is blank, but her eyes are filled worry and sadness. "Look, if you and Lena want to call Bill, if you don't want to deal with this and want to send me away, I get it. I won't hold it against you. You didn't sign up for this." I tell her. She reaches her arm out across the table, taking my hand in hers. She stares directly in my eyes.

"You're not disposable Callie. You're, you're not worthless." She says. "Lena and I, we're gonna help you. We're not going to send you away because of this. We're gonna help you get through whatever it is that's causing you so much pain." She sounds like she truly means it, and I completely fall apart. I let out a sob then start crying. I hear her rise from her stool. She quickly comes over and wraps her arms protectively around me while I just bawl. "Oh baby." She mumbles. "I'm gonna do everything I can to help. I promise." She vows. One of her hands cradles the back of my head as if I were an infant. I rest my forehead against her shoulder and cry until I ran out of tears to shed. We stay like that for a few minutes. I hate being emotional in front of anyone and here I am crying my eyes out in front of a complete stranger. I hear the front door open and footsteps enter the house. They closer to us, and as the footsteps get louder I try my best to pull myself together, not knowing who will walk into the room.

"Hey Stef…" Lena says as she walks in not noticing the current situation at first. Stef and I look over at her and when Lena sees me her mood changes instantly. "What's going on?" Oh god, now Lena is going to know what's been going on. She's going to want and explanation on why I'm sobbing against her partner's shoulder. Panic soars through my body. I take the split second Stef's attention is on Lena and jump up from the stool I was sitting on and out of her embrace. I turn around and dart into the bathroom locking the door behind me. I'm freaking out. Stef reacted to my running away but not quick enough, and I hear the doorknob rattling. She's probably on the other side of the door. My walls have been completely been knocked down, like someone took a bulldozer to them. I can't handle it. I feel sick. I feel like I can't breathe. I take off my jacket and get my army knife out of my pants pocket.

"Callie, Callie can you open the door?" Stef says calmly at first. I don't answer her I just prepare the tiny scissors for what I'm about to do.

"Stef what's going on?" I hear Lena ask. I bet they can hear my sobs through the door.

"Callie, open the door." Stef demands, completely ignoring Lena. "Callie!" Stef shouts, I sob. Trying my best to block Stef's calls out I sit on the toilet and while one hand holds the key to my relief; the other is balled up in a fist. I'm at war with myself. I look at my left arm, the new healing wounds on my shoulder, and the fresh, pale, uncut skin from my elbow down to my wrist. The banging on the door continues and the noise brings makes me more hysteric. I take the blade and slice a diagonal line across the once flawless flesh. With the stinging sensation I feel like I can finally breathe. A lot has happened in the two minutes Lena's been home. "Callie if you don't open this door I'll have no choice but to break it down." Stef warns.

"Stef." Lena says sternly but concerned. She clearly still doesn't know what's going on. With the fear that Stef will follow through on her warning I start to slash my skin again. I hear the sound of wood crack. "Oh my god." I hear Lena gasp, sounding horrified. Stef is instantly at my side. She grabs my right wrist and with her free hand and even with me resisting with all my will she pries the Swiss army knife out of my hand. I look in her eyes, still sobbing.

"I'm sorry." I cry. Stef grabs a towel and wets the cloth. She presses it against my arm. I was only able to cut two more times before she came in. I feel so messed up and helpless. "I'm sorry." I repeat, breaking down again. "I'm sorry." I cry. Stef looks at me, still pressing the cloth against my forearm.

"Shhh, you'll be okay." Stef coos, using her free hand to rub my back.

"I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't do this." I sob.

"Can't do what sweets?" Stef asks calmly. I shake my head not answering the question. I see Lena enter the room.

"Stef I called 911." Lena says gently. My head shoots up.

"You what?" I shout. Another wave of panic sets in. I aggressively wiggle myself out of Stef's hold and back myself against the wall. "Why? Why would you do that?" I cry.

"Callie clam down." Lena says softly.

"Callie Lena and I just want to help."

"It's not like these are deep enough for me to bleed to death!" I cry, showing my already clotted cuts. "See! They're not even bleeding anymore!"

"Even if they're not Callie this kind of behavior isn't healthy, you could end up really hurting yourself." Lena says.

"So! Why would you care? It's not like anyone has before!" I cry. "No, no, no, no." I cry to myself as I slide down the wall. Hitting the floor I rest my head on top of my knees and wrap my arms around my legs. "No, no, no, no." I sob. Someone wraps their arms around my curled up body and rocks me soothingly. I've been crying to much in the last hour that it's finally taken a toll on me, and with my eyes being closed, sleep soon creeps up and tackles me.

**A/N: I've actually had this chapter written for a long time, I just needed the story to catch up with it. But anyway two chapters in one day! Yay! Comment, suggest, fave, do whatever you have to do. 3**


	10. Chapter 10

When I wake up I feel foggy and tired. When my eyes get used to the bright florescent lights I sit up and look around. I'm in an emergency room. Oh no. I sit up more and my heart begins to accelerate.

"Hey. It's okay. Just breathe sweetie. Your mothers are just talking to the doctor. They stepped out a few minutes ago. They'll be back shortly." A woman dressed in a security uniform says to me. What's going on? I feel something sticky pulling the skin on my chest. I put my hand against my body and feel five circular sticky things on me. Then I notice that I'm no longer in the clothes I was wearing earlier, but a hospital gown. There are wires attached to the sticky things on my chest that lead up to a monitor. Finally, I noticed that the hand I was using to grope myself a few minutes ago has an IV in it attached to a bag of saline. Oh my god, what happened? No, no, no, they brought me to the hospital. All of this is going to go in my file. Stef and Lena are going to hand me back over to Bill, who's going to put me in a group home. Oh my god. My heart is beating so fast I begin to hyperventilate. "Sweetie it's okay. Just relax. Breathe in and out." The woman says. She gets up and walks over to me.

"Get away from me!" I shout. I'm scared. My eyes begin to water. "Please just, don't come any closer to me." The monitor begins to beep repeatedly. The woman heads to the door and opens it.

"Nurse!" she shouts into the hallway. Soon a young woman in light purple scrubs comes in the room.

"How are we doing in here?" she asks as she comes up to me and checks my monitors. "You're okay sweetie. Just breathe." She says the same thing the security woman said. "I'll be right back. I'm just going to get your doctor." She turns to the other woman. "Watch her. If her heart rate gets any higher come and get me." she says before exiting the room. A few minutes later a man dressed in dark blue scrubs and a white coat comes in, along with the nurse. Stef and Lena follow. This room is getting really crowded.

"Okay Callie, I'm going to give you something that will help you calm down so we can talk." He tells me. "Get me .25 mg of fast acting lorazepan from the pharmacy." He orders the nurse. The nurse then steps out of the room.

"Wait, what are you giving her?" Stef asks sounding concerned. "What's lorazepan?"

"It's a anti-anxiety medication with a sedative effect. It will calm her down; maybe make her a little tired."

"Oh."

"Why are they here?" I ask, still hyperventilating. "Why did you bring me here?" I ask the two women who are standing at the foot of my bed. "Why? Why, why, why?" I say in between breaths. "Now Bill is going to find out and he's going to put me in a group home." I begin to cry.

"Callie we're not going to let Bill take you away. We just want to help you." Stef says.

"You should've just left me alone. You should've just not cared. Why do you care? It's not like you know me. It's not like you guys even wanted me. Stef you wanted me gone day one I could see it on you face and I could hear it in your voice. You brought me here so you can just get rid of me." I cry. I'm completely hysterical and I'm crying so hard tears blur my vision. It's not helping my state of mind. I just want to fall asleep and never wake up. I've never had to go through a panic attack in front of people. I need my knife. I try my best to get up but the doctor tries to keep me in the bed. I rip the leads off my chest and try once again to get off the bed. The doctor and the security woman hold me down, which makes it worse. I struggle against them. It reminds me of when Liam was on top of me. "No! Get off of me! Let me go! Stop please!" I scream. I see Stef walk over to me, now standing at the side of my bed. She gently places one of her hands on my shoulder, which for some reason, really sets me off.

"Callie calm down. They're just trying to help."

"Get away from me!" I yell. I don't know whom I'm yelling at exactly; I just want to be alone. My mind is racing. The other nurse walks in.

"Cara can you get these two out of here. They seem to be triggering to her." The doctor says to the nurse.

"No I'm not leaving her. She's clearly upset I need to be here with her. We're supposed to be looking after her." Stef says.

"Look, Miss Foster, I don't know what triggered this attack for Callie, but from what I have observed, you and your partner aren't helping the situation right now, so if you could please wait outside I will come and get you when she calms down." The doctor, who along with the security guard is still holding me down while I struggle, says calmly.

"Callie Lena and I will be right outside this door. We're not going anywhere." Stef says before Cara the nurse ushers her and Lena out of the room.

A few minutes after they leave the room, my heart eventually starts to calm down and my limbs grow tired. Soon my eyelids close and I quickly pass out.


	11. Chapter 11

My eyes flutter open and I see the now familiar lights on the ceiling above me. It wasn't a dream. No. I turn my head and look at the monitor, and then sit up. A different person in a security uniform sits in a chair near the door. The new person stands up, opens the door and exits. I'm left alone for a few minutes. I jump a little when the door suddenly opens and the new security woman, a different nurse, but the same doctor enters the room. "Hey Callie how are you feeling now?" the doctor asks.

"Tired." I comment.

"Well we're giving you something to help with your anxiety, it's normal to feel a little out of it." He says. I nod. "Anyway I'm Dr. Willis." He introduces himself.

"Hi."

"Do you know why you're here?" he asks.

"Yeah." I sigh. There's a moment of silence. "What day is it?" I ask all of a sudden curious.

"Sunday." He tells me. "You were awake briefly on Saturday at around 10 p.m. and it's five in the evening now. You've been out for a while." He says.

"Damn." I mumble.

"So Callie, I was hoping we could talk." The doctor says as he grabs a seat in the chair near me. Here it is.

"Uh sure."

"Well we checked out your wrist, it didn't need any stitches but we bandaged it, along with some other cuts that are currently healing. We only covered them to keep them clean."

"Um, thanks."

"Callie can you tell me why you cut yourself?" he asks. Well this guy sure doesn't beat around the bush.

"It helps me get through my panic attacks." I state.

"It helps you feel in control." He says.

"Yeah."

"Have you been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder?"

"No."

"Is there any history of mental illness such as anxiety or depression in your family?"

"Uh not that I know of."

"Okay. I know you're in the foster system and that you've been in a few different homes. Did anything happen to you that could have been traumatizing?" I think for a few minutes, not looking at the doctor. Should I tell him? I mean there's nothing anyone can do about it now. What's done is done. Do I really want this on record? What if it gets out and Stef and Lena find out how damaged I really am? Everyone will look at me with pity and treat me like a fragile victim. Do I want that? Can I handle all that attention? I could keep quiet, but then I will continue to suffer. Maybe if I tell they could figure out why this still haunts me.

"In one of my previous foster homes, they was a boy close to my age." I say quietly, looking down at my lap. "He was friendly and kind. He treated me like a mattered. We became close; but one night, he uh, he came into my room and he uh…" I try to gather the courage to tell him. I've never said it out loud before. Tears form behind my eyes as I tell the tale of that night. "He, uh, he forced me… he, well he, he raped me." I finally say it. Finally someone else knows what I've been keeping to myself for so long. "That was about a year and a half ago." I aggressively wipe the tears that managed to escape their prison. I feel now like a huge weight has been lifted from me. I feel liberated

"I'm sorry that happened to you." He says. "Did you report it?" he asks.

"I tried to tell my foster parents but he said that I came on to him. Of course they would believe him over me. I mean, he's their son. I was nothing. No one would believe the foster girl over the trophy kid." I explain. "Anyway I was kicked out then put into a home where I was beaten almost everyday, and the one day I fought back I get arrested and sent to juvie."

"Callie before all this happed, did you suffer from anxiety attacks?"

"No. They started about a month after what happened." I tell him.

"Thank you for trusting me Callie. I can't imagine what you've gone though, what you're going though now, but you no longer have to do it alone." He says. I look at him. "I believe that these attacks are a form of post traumatic stress, and that you chose an unhealthy way of dealing with them. The cutting is a coping skill you have become dependent on."

"Okay."

"Callie do I have your permission so tell your foster moms what you just shared with me?"

"Yeah. They deserve an explanation." I say. "Are they here?"

"Lena had to run home but Stef is out in the waiting room. They're both very worried about you."

"Stef, she's here?" I ask. I'm surprised. Not any of my other foster parents would have stayed.

"Yes. She refuses to leave until she knows what is going on." I smile a little. She cares. Someone actually cares. "Callie I just have one more question for you." Dr. Willis says.

"Okay."

"Are you suicidal?"

"I don't know." I say honestly. I don't feel like my life is worth living.

"Okay. Well Susan is going to be here, hospital policy. I'm going to go talk to you foster mom. Try to get some sleep. Nurse Kelly is just going to check your vitals then we'll leave you alone so you can rest. I'll see you soon." He says to me before the leaves the room. Nurse Kelly, who is has brown hair neatly pulled back in a ponytail and is wearing light pink scrubs comes over and takes my blood pressure, shines a light in my eyes, checks my pulse, then takes my temperature.

"Do you need anything?" she asks me when she's finished with her exam. Her voice sounds so soft and friendly.

"No."

"Okay well if you do you can press this button or tell Susan." She tells me, showing me the call button a remote.

"Okay." She exits the room and I lay down. I curl up on my side and close my eyes.

**Happy Holidays you guys!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Stef's POV**

I've been sitting in the ER waiting room ever since Callie's episode. Lena ran home to take care of the kids a few hours ago. I called my captain and told her I had a family emergency and would need a couple of days off. I also called Bill who is now on his way. I dozed off a couple of times but I didn't stay asleep for too long. My eyes begin to droop close but hearing my name begin called snaps me back to the living. I look up and see Lena and Bill walking over to me. I stand up. "Look who I found in the parking lot." Lena says.

"Yeah I called him. Hi Bill." I say.

"Hi Stef. Any update on Callie?" Bill asks.

"No not yet." I sigh.

"Stef you look exhausted. Maybe you should go home and sleep." Lena suggests.

"No I'm fine. I just want to know what's going on with Callie."

"Miss Foster." The doctor from before emerges and walks over to us. "I just talked to Callie."

"How is she?" Bill asks.

"Who are you?" the doctor asks.

"I'm Bill. Callie's social worker."

"Nice to meet you Bill. I'm not sure if I can tell you anything Callie shared with me. She gave me permission to tell her foster parents. There was some very personal information and I don't want to break the trust she has given me. I would like to speak with Stef and Lena privately before I bring you into the conversation."

"Alright. I'll be here if you need me." Bill says.

"Miss. Foster, Miss. Adams, follow me." the doctor orders. We follow him down a hallway until we're outside Callie's room. "Callie has been suffering from severe panic attacks. Now these attacks I believe are PTSD episodes. How much do you know about Callie?"

"She hasn't really opened up to us. She told me that she was abused in some of her previous foster homes." I tell him.

"Well last year Callie was in a foster home and she was sexually assaulted by her foster brother." I feel like someone just punched me in the gut.

"You're telling me… she was raped?" I say trying to hold in the anger that's coursing though my veins.

"Oh my god." Lena whispers.

"The cutting is a coping skill she has become depended on to work through these attacks. Anything, a sound, a smell, a face, or even just a feeling can trigger PTSD panic attacks. Sometimes they happen out of the blue or they're brought on by severe stress. For now I'm going to have Callie admitted to the psychiatric ward, just until we know she's not a threat to herself. A psychiatrist will be assigned to her case and he and she will decide how to move forward."

"What do you mean threat to herself?" Lena asks.

"She may or may not be suicidal." Oh Callie. I knew she wasn't sharing everything with us but I had no idea she was in so much pain.


	13. Chapter 13

**Stef's POV**

After our chat with Callie's doctor Lena and I updated Bill. Bill asked us if we wanted to continue fostering Callie, and without any thought our answers was a unanimous yes. Bill left to go to his office, he as some paperwork to fill out, but he told us to keep him updated. It's Monday, Callie went to the emergency room Saturday and was admitted to the hospital earlier this morning. She was moved to a room in the hospital and out of the ER. Lena and I both requested some personal days from our superiors at work, telling them we had a family emergency. Everyone understood. Now Lena and I are sitting in our living room with the rest of our kids. They still don't know what exactly is going on, but we have to tell them something. "Okay so you guys probably have some questions. We know Saturday evening was a little scary." Lena addresses the kids.

"What was that? What happened?" Mariana asks.

"Yeah, is Callie okay?" Brandon adds.

"Well Callie has been through a lot. She's going to be in the hospital for a while, we don't know how long exactly." I tell them. It warms my heart to see them so concerned for her. They've really welcomed her into our family.

"Is she sick?" Mariana asks.

"In a way." I answer.

"What does that mean?" Mariana asks.

"Look we don't feel like it's our place to tell you all the details about what is going on with Callie. All you really need to know is that she'll be in the hospital." Lena says.

"Can we visit her?" Brandon asks.

"We're not sure yet. We still need to talk with her doctor and with Callie. We don't want to do anything she's not comfortable with." I tell them. "Mama and I have taken some time off from work so we can be with her."

"If anything changes we'll let you know." Lena adds. "Now it's getting late and tomorrow's a school day so you guys should be thinking about getting to bed." With that note our little family meeting is dismissed and the kids disperse. Lena and I head upstairs to our room and get some much-needed sleep.

Morning comes all too soon. Lena drives the kids to school while I head to the hospital. I grab a coffee at the stand in the lobby before heading up to Callie's room. I open the door and the room is dark; there's a nurse typing on a computer. When she's finished she walks over to me. "How is she?" I ask quietly.

"She's doing okay. She's asleep now; apparently she kept waking up during the night. She's been having nightmares. Her new doctor ordered some medication to help calm her; you'll meet him when the department makes their rounds in a few hours." The nurse updates me.

"Thank you." I whisper. The nurse leaves and I sit in a chair that is places a few feet next to her bed. As I sip the scorching liquid, I look at the sleeping girl. She's curled up in a ball, like she's do her best to shield herself from some unknown threat. I sigh. This poor girl who has already lost so much in her short life, I had no idea how much she went through. I had no clue how much pain she was in. I feel so foolish. It pains me greatly. This girl who I now consider my own, has been through things no one should ever go through, and she's only sixteen. It breaks my heart. I want to find the kid who did this to her and… I don't know what I'd do to him. I'd do something against the code of the uniform I put on everyday. Seeing her asleep, I can see how scared and broken she really is. When she's awake she buries all emotion from her face. I can only pray that she'll find the strength to let us help her.

**Just a short update for you guys. Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I have some school and family stuff I had to deal with. So far 2016 has been a real gut-punch. I keep rereading all the comments you leave me and that makes me smile and encourages me to keep this story going. You have no idea how much you all mean to me. Knowing that people, even if it's just one person, likes this story makes me feel truly blessed. Thank you guys!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Stef's POV**

A piercing scream fills the room and I jolt awake. I must have dozed off. I immediately jump from my chair and my hand instinctively goes to my hip as if I was going to draw my gun, but I then remember where I am. I look at Callie and she's thrashing around in her sleep. I run to her side, but I'm not sure what I should do. I press the call button. Callie's cries continue. "Get off of me! Leave me alone I said no!" she screams. "Please stop!" A nurse finally runs in and gently grabs Callie's wrists holding them.

"Callie, can you hear me? I need you to wake up." The nurse says calmly. I don't know what to do. I hate feeling so helpless when my daughter is suffering. She can't even escape the trauma she's endured when she's asleep. She's haunted by it 24/7. Callie screams again then bolts up her eyes wide open. She looks around frantically and panting, and then she begins to sob. "Callie you had another nightmare. It's okay, you're safe here." The nurse says soothingly. Callie pulls her legs up to her chest and presses her forehead against her knees hiding her face. Seeing her sob breaks me.

"I want my mom. I want my dad. I want Jude." She sobs into her knees. "I want my family." My heart shatters at her words. She's had enough taken from her. The nurse logs on to the computer and begins typing. I slowly sit down on the bed next to her. I carefully place hand on her shoulder. I say a silent thank you that it didn't set her off into a panic. Not changing her position, she rolls on to her side. Still crying, she discreetly takes my hand and holds it. My eyes water and I use my free hand to wipe them before tears form. The door opens quietly and Lena enters. She looks at me then at Callie. She looks so sad. She probably feels the same way I do. Helpless. I don't want to move. Callie took my hand, so if I'm bringing her even the slightest comfort, I don't want to do anything to take it away. Lena takes a seat in the chair I was in earlier. We sit there and we wait. I don't know what we're waiting for exactly, but we don't make a sound. The nurse finishes documenting what happened on the computer. She logs off and walks over to me.

"The department is making their rounds right now so they should get to you shortly. She's due for another dose of medication now so I'm going to go get that. I'll be back shortly." The nurse says to us. We both nod and the nurse quietly exits the room. The only sound is Callie crying. Time doesn't seem to exist right now; I don't know how long I've been sitting and holding her hand, but her cries eventually stop and she falls asleep. The nurse comes back holding a little basket. She takes a syringe, scans it, cleans the IV head with alcohol swabs, and injects the liquid inside into Callie's IV. She takes another syringe and injects it to.

"What is that? What are you giving her?" I whisper.

"The first one was the medicine, to help her keep calm, the second was just saline." She says. She cleans up and picks up the basket. "If you need anything press the call button."

"Thank you." The nurse smiles then leaves.I slowly get up from the bed and pull the sheet over Callie tucking her in. I walk over to the other chair next to Lena and sit down. I hold out my hand and she takes it. We sit there, holding hands, watching call sleep. "We're not giving up on her Lena. We can't." I say quietly.

"I wouldn't dream of it." She says.

"I love her already." I admit. I look at Lena and she smiles. "I know we said this would be temporary, but, we can't abandon her. She's been let down too many times."

"I agree. I love her too." I smile at Lena. "Do you think she'll be able to make it through this?"

"I hope so. She's made it this far. She's stronger that any of us." I turn back and look at Callie. She's asleep, but she's still curled in a ball so tightly that I can't see her face.

**Hey guys! I'm SO sorry I haven't been updating. I feel awful. I have an idea of where I want this story to go, so I'll be updating more often. Thank you all for sticking with me! Love you guys!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Callie's POV**

My eyes open. I move my head away from my knees. It takes a second for my eyes to adjust, but when they do I see Stef and Lena sitting in chairs across from me. Lena reading a book and Stef is on her phone. The sheet is covering my arms so I move. I place my arms outside the sheet. Stef looks up and sees me. "Callie." She says softly. Stef gets up and Lena puts her book down. "Hey sweets." She says. I look at her. I feel tired. "How are you feeling?" she asks. I stretch my legs out and roll on to my back. I stare at the ceiling.

"Why are you here?" I ask sighing.

"Why wouldn't we be here?" Stef asks.

"Because you didn't sign up for this. I've brought so much drama into your home."

"Oh Callie…" Stef begins to talk but the door opens and four people wearing white coats enter the room.

"Stef and Lena I presume." One woman says. "Hi I'm doctor Kessler. These are some of the residents in psychology department. I'm Callie's doctor." Stef and Lena both shake the woman's hand. Dr. Kessler then walks over to me. "Hi Callie. How are you doing?" she asks. Not knowing what to say, I just look at her. "Well me and my friends are here to make sure your doing okay. We'll leave you alone for now. I'll be back later. We can talk then." She says sweetly. I nod. The doctor walks over to Stef and Lena. "I'll be back later and we can discuss the best course of action. It was good to meet you. I'll see you later." The three shake hands again and the group of doctors leave.

* * *

About an hour later Dr. Kessler comes back. She advised Stef and Lena about things we can do. She suggests putting me in an impatient program for young adults, kind of like therapy, and prescribing me some medication. I feel like such a bother. The medication they have me on makes me feel tired and out of it. I've been trying to sleep but I keep having nightmares. I haven't said anything since Dr. Kessler told me how they're going to help me. Up until now I have been dealing with this alone. Having other people knowing this scares me. I don't deserve to be helped. I feel like such an inconvenience. There's no point in me being here. Why didn't I die with my mom and Jude? I should be with them. I feel the need to cut, but I also feel the need to just die. There's nothing sharp here though. Stef steps out of the bathroom. I get up from the bed and walk over to it. Stef looks at me. "You okay?"

"Bathroom." I mumble.

"Okay." She says. She steps aside and I walk into the room pulling my IV pole in with me. I close the door and look around the room. There's a mirror in the room. I see my reflection and I hate it. I look awful. Suddenly, an overwhelming amount of anger rises in me and I slam my fist into the glass. I feel my hand cut and I see the blood. It stings. The door opens. "Callie!" Stef cries as she barges in. I panic and grab a shard of the broken mirror and take a step back from her. "Callie what are you doing?" she asks. Tears begin to drip down my face. "Lena, go get a nurse!" Stef shouts.

"Back off Stef." I say, my voice shaking. "Just leave me alone." I tell her.

"I can't to that Callie." She says. She takes a step towards me.

"Back off!" I scream as I point the shard at her. She stops.

"Callie, put it down." she says calmly. Lena comes back with a nurse and they are standing in the doorway. The nurse takes out a pager and presses some buttons on it. I look around and see six eyes on me, three concerned faces. Here I go again causing drama. "Callie, talk to me." Stef pleads. I look at her.

"I should've died years ago. With my mom and Jude. If I died then, I wouldn't be here now. Everything with Liam wouldn't have happened. I wouldn't have to feel the way I feel now. Ever since that day, I have no reason to live. Everything that was good was taken away. I have no reason to live!" I cry.

"Callie, please. You still have people who care about you. Lena and I, we love you. We want to help you. We want you to be happy. We're not going anywhere. I know you'd rather have your mom and Jude, I understand. You're here still here for a reason."

"They didn't deserve to die!" I shout.

"And neither do you. You deserve to live a long and joyful life. You deserve to be loved. And you are. Lena and I love you like you're our own. Mariana, Jesus, Brandon, they already consider you a sister. I know we're not the family you used to have, but we're here. We want to help you, and we're not going anywhere." I look at her; tears are still dripping down my face. I'm so tired of living this life where everyday is so full of hurt. It's not worth it.

"I'm so tired of feeling like this. It's not worth it. I'm not worth it." I cry.

"You are sweets. You are." Stef says. I sigh. I begin to sob as I look at what's left of the mirror.

"I miss them so much. It's not fair." I sob, closing my eyes from a moment before looking back at the three people in the doorway.

"I know baby it's not fair, but you're gonna be okay." Stef says sincerely. I let out another sob as I lower my arm and drop the shard of glass. Stef lunges forward and guides me out of the room and on to my bed while I cry. She wraps her arms around me and I cry into her shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I whimper.

"Shhh. It's okay sweets." She whispers as she holds me. "Can the nurse look at your hand?" I break away from her hold and nod. The nurse comes over and takes my cut up hand in hers and begins examining it. I lean my head on Stef's shoulder and the nurse removes pieces of glass from my hand and begins to bandage it up.


End file.
